Comparing

Are you constantly comparing your new date to an old relationship? This is a huge problem, and it’s not a problem with the date, it’s an issue with you. No one wants to hear that, but its the truth. If there was something about your ex that you couldn’t get past, you shouldn’t have tried to hook up with someone who was so much like them. Now, if you just compare them because you are afraid they will end up the same way then it’s a different story. You can talk yourself down from this one, and just try to learn to trust again.

Fighting About The Past

If you had a fight with your partner, and you constantly bring it up, you aren’t giving either of you a chance to get over it. This type of baggage will lead to resentment and will eventually ruin the relationship. If you have a hard time letting go, maybe it’s time to seek a therapist to help you. There’s not anything wrong seeking help from a professional to help improve yourself. Being stuck in the past will only bring further issues that need to be worked through and will just make the relationship harder.

Find Out Why

Is she just wanting to be friends because she’s afraid of a new relationship? If this is the case you can simply prove to her that you aren’t going to hurt her. Is she friends because she’s interested in someone else? This one may hurt at first, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be more. Just make yourself available for her. Availability is important when you are trying to establish a new relationship. Once you understand why you are still stuck in the friend zone, the easier it will be to break through it.

Communicate

Communication doesn’t come easy for men. If you are attracted to a friend though, it’s important to have this skill. She is going to be much more appreciative if you just tell her how you feel. You don’t need to be a jerk about it though. Be honest, but soft at the same time. Tell her that you can see yourself with her in the future. Don’t act childish and don’t be brute or aggressive. That’s the fastest way to lose her as a friend too.

Is It Worth It?

You need to figure out why it’s important to you to be more than just a friend. If it’s just the thrill of the chase, you are going to end up losing a friend in the long run. Try to evaluate why it’s important to you to be with her. If the connection really is there, then you have a better shot at making it work.

Circumstances

The way that you tell the person is going to depend a lot on the circumstances. For instance, if this person did or said something to offend or upset you, you are going to tell them differently than you would if there simply is not a connection that is there.

Stand Your Ground

You need to make sure that you are firm with your decision to not want to meet up with this person again. They may try to talk you out of it or manipulate you. Do not let them, know your reasons and state them. Whenever they are given reasons they are a lot more likely to respect your decision.

Be Clear

Whenever you are worrying about hurting their feelings, you may end up not being completely and totally clear about why you want what you want. This means that you will need to make sure that you tell them exactly what you want and why you want it. If you beat around the bush too much or trust them to read between the lines you are more than likely going to end up having to do this over again.

After The First Date

The time frame after the first date is the most important. You don’t want them to think you aren’t interested, and you don’t want to seem too needy. Waiting three days seems to be the perfect balance. It’s appropriate to call after the date to make sure they got home safely, but after that give it three days before you call for another date.

After The Second Date

After the second date it’s appropriate to speed up the time frame. You can mention if you have tickets to an upcoming event towards the end of the evening. If you don’t already have something planned, you could call them a day or two after the date to invite them on another one.

Etiquette

Always call for the first few dates. Email can be good later, but this early on it comes across as impersonal. It’s appropriate to leave a message, then call back to follow up a few days later. If after that you haven’t heard back, just assume you won’t and move on. Never call incessantly to ask for a date. If something had come up and they genuinely weren’t able to return your call, you will probably never hear back if you have called 100 times or left numerous messages on their machine. It’s also good etiquette to return a call to decline a date if someone has called you. While it’s easier to just ignore the call, it puts the other person in a bad position.

Tell Him What You Want

Be very clear about what you are looking for in a guy. You never know, if something is important enough to you he may be willing to try to change. Don’t assume that because he works as a janitor that he doesn’t have higher aspirations. If this is important to you, talk to him before you decide to toss aside what may be a good relationship.

Slowly Back Off

Instead of hanging out every night, back off a little bit. If you continue to go out constantly, this is just going to make things harder when you do decide to pull back. It also gives him space to evaluate things on his own.

Be Gentle

Don’t do this over the phone or via text message. Also don’t premise it with the dreaded ‘we need to talk’ line. This will make him put of a defensive wall immediately. Instead, go out for a casual meal and be honest with him. Tell him you think you are in different places, and right now you just don’t feel this is going where it needs to go. Then tell him how much you enjoy spending time with him, and that you don’t want to lose him from your life.

Give Him Space

After the conversation you need to be prepared to give him space. He may be hurt and may not want to talk to you for a long time. This is the risk you run when you decide to just be friends. Allow him to approach you when he’s ready.

Be Funny

A man that can make a woman laugh will always be more attractive than a man who is dull. Women want someone with a sense of humour, this is consistently at the top of the list of things women like. But be careful not to be childish with this. Making silly jokes or acting like a teenager will just turn her away.

Be Confident

A man who is confident will always score better with women than with men who are meager and mild. There is a place to be quiet and shy, and a place to be bold. If you constantly harp on the things about yourself that you don’t like and you have low self esteem, this will come across as poor and she will lose attraction to you.

Communicate

While a woman doesn’t want a man who is going to be emotional all the time, knowing how to communicate is a big plus. If you are able to talk to her openly, not afraid to show your feelings, and are in touch with your communication skills, you will instantly be more attractive to her. You don’t have to stay up late at night and write her poetry, but you should be able to tell her when you are happy, hurt, and in love.

Communication Skills

First and foremost communication is necessary if you expect the relationship to flourish. You should feel comfortable enough with him to share your thoughts, fears, and hopes. If you aren’t, you need to ask yourself why. If he isn’t open to communication, talking to him about this isn’t going to help. You may need to move on to someone who is going to listen. You can always tell him that you really need him to communicate better if this will work out. If he cares, he will take you seriously and may be willing to talk more.

Don’t Push It

While being open and communicative is important, harping on him constantly is going to be counter-productive. Don’t give ultimatums unless you are prepared to walk away from the relationship. In most cases, this will be the end result anyhow. If you need him to be more expressive, tell him how important it is to you, then drop it. Nagging will just push him farther way from you, and will decrease the odds of him ever truly caring.

Where To Meet Women

Where you go to meet women will play a large role in how successful you are in picking up women. Going to places where mostly married women hang out will not do well for you, the best place to find married women is on a swingers site. On the same note, if you are in your 40s and you go to a college hang out, you also won’t have great chances. If you are going out specifically to try to meet people, keep these things in mind before you end up getting rejected or humiliated.

What Works

Confidence is the biggest turn on for a woman. If you act shy and reserved, you may be able to find a few women, but your odds will be much better if you feel good about yourself. Don’t be cocky though. One of the best tried and true methods is to walk up to a woman and pay her a compliment. Then walk away. This leaves the ball in her court, and forces her to approach you if she’s interested. Instead of feeling embarrassed at rejection, if she chooses not to come over to you, you’ve lost nothing. Above all else, avoid using old pick up lines. Most women find this annoying and you won’t get a great reception with this.

Becoming Attached

Are you the type of person who feels like they’ve fallen in love after only a few dates? This needs to be examined. You may also want to find a professional to talk to about this. If you continue to fall quickly, it’s going to lead to more heartbreak without a doubt. If, however, you are willing to see that this is an issue, and is abnormal, it will be easier to break this pattern and form healthy relationships.

Who Are You Falling For?

Do you have a pattern of falling for the wrong people? Men and women do this equally. We may be attracted to one thing physically, but end up with something else emotionally. These relationships always hurt in the end. Take some time to evaluate what happened in your past relationships, and why you wanted to be with that person to begin with. You should see a pattern forming. Once you see the pattern, you can break it.

Take It Slow

If you decide to take it slowly on future dates and don’t rush in to things, you won’t become so enamored so quickly. If you rush in to a serious relationship before you really know the other person, you are setting yourself up for more heartbreak.

Read The Mood

If the date didn’t go well, it’s best to leave the kiss alone. If there is a second date you will have a chance to redeem yourself. Trying to make a move after a bad date is just bad form, and no one wants to be kissed after a poor experience.

Eye Contact

At the end of the evening when you are saying goodbye, make eye contact and hold it. As you look in their eyes tell them what a great time you had. Also use something specific here to personalize it. If she picked a great restaurant to try, tell her how much you enjoyed her choice in restaurants. This small touch makes the moment more intimate, and will automatically soften her, making it easier to try to move in.

Light Touch

As you say goodbye, don’t go for the handshake or hug. Brush her hair back behind her ear, or lightly touch her upper arm. You can incorporate this in to a hug if you wish. This also creates a more intimate moment without being creepy.

Tell Her

When all else fails and you can’t get a good read on the signals, simply tell her you want to kiss her. If you aren’t aggressive about this, it could work very well.